Upward Spiral!

I always have this point in my life where i always want to make a change and start doing things differently. Then i start to change but then i tend to forget and go into a down ward spiral.

Things are starting to go down that down ward spiral of long stairs again but im going to change it this time. Instead of taking a break and going back down those starts im going to run back up them.

So ive been trying out honors, ive had volleyball, start of a new school year and all kinds of different pressures. The past couple of days have been really hard for me, i have just been feeling well lets say... scattered. I had a bad panic attack friday and ive never really had one before so that really scared me. I also have recently been trying to learn how to rely on myself, make my own decisions and not depend on the support of people.

Anyways the point is that i have to decide if biology honors is way to much for me. I can do honors for humanities next year but i if i wanna do biology honors i can only do it this year. Ive been thinking if this is what I, ME and ONLY ME really wants?- im just trying to slow it down and put my thoughts together.

Yes, i want to do it, I WANT TO DO HONORS. I want to prove to myself that i CAN and im interested in biology and i hope i will be able to do something with biology when im older. Even though i know this decision will probably change a million times- but why not give it a try?

I have also been thinking what I, ME, and ONLY ME want to do with my life;

I want to be happy and SMART and be perfect. BE PERFECT- doesnt that sound nice? To face reality though i cant be perfect, no body can but, instead i can try to be perfect or at least put 210% in EVERYTHING i touch! Truth is though im going to have those days were im stressed and everything just seems like things wont get better but, with the support of my friends, family and teachers im bound to get through anything let alone be able to do ANYTHING!

-Maddy Rae