New beginning

hey guys so im starting a new beginning... a refreshing new start... im starting a NEW blog about the new me! check it out and follow it.. i may still post on this one but my goal is to start on a completely new path...

http://openyoureyeswithme.blogspot.com/

Best regards!
-Maddy Rae

Upward Spiral!

I always have this point in my life where i always want to make a change and start doing things differently. Then i start to change but then i tend to forget and go into a down ward spiral.

Things are starting to go down that down ward spiral of long stairs again but im going to change it this time. Instead of taking a break and going back down those starts im going to run back up them.

So ive been trying out honors, ive had volleyball, start of a new school year and all kinds of different pressures. The past couple of days have been really hard for me, i have just been feeling well lets say... scattered. I had a bad panic attack friday and ive never really had one before so that really scared me. I also have recently been trying to learn how to rely on myself, make my own decisions and not depend on the support of people.

Anyways the point is that i have to decide if biology honors is way to much for me. I can do honors for humanities next year but i if i wanna do biology honors i can only do it this year. Ive been thinking if this is what I, ME and ONLY ME really wants?- im just trying to slow it down and put my thoughts together.

Yes, i want to do it, I WANT TO DO HONORS. I want to prove to myself that i CAN and im interested in biology and i hope i will be able to do something with biology when im older. Even though i know this decision will probably change a million times- but why not give it a try?

I have also been thinking what I, ME, and ONLY ME want to do with my life;

I want to be happy and SMART and be perfect. BE PERFECT- doesnt that sound nice? To face reality though i cant be perfect, no body can but, instead i can try to be perfect or at least put 210% in EVERYTHING i touch! Truth is though im going to have those days were im stressed and everything just seems like things wont get better but, with the support of my friends, family and teachers im bound to get through anything let alone be able to do ANYTHING!

-Maddy Rae

Spaghetti Overload

For the past couple meals my plate full of spaghetti has been falling off the sides. With no napkin to clean it up, it has just been to hard to eat.

Friday my plate fell on the floor and shattered everywhere. The pieces were to hard to pick up let alone to sharp to touch. My spaghetti had become un-eatable and i had no meal for the rest of the day.

Unable to pick it up and put it in the trash, i left it their splattered on the floor in the middle of the hall way. Trying to walk away from the mess i slipped on the spaghetti sauce, causing me to fall and cut myself on the shattered pieces of plate.

I walked out the day with scrapes from the un-touchable spaghetti, that would leave scars on my skin FOREVER.

-Maddy Rae

A just for me song!

So i was talking to my math teacher yesterday (brittnay) who used to help me last year when she was a tutor for my school, but she is now a teacher this year- my teacher. (She is making me check in with her everyday bc she wants to be there for me and wants to make sure im enjoying my year, which i apperciate very much! She also gives me these weird homework assignments that i might post about every once in a while) =)

Anyways,
She was telling me how i need to find one song that i play just to boost my mood or confidence or anything when im feeling down. She gave me the name of hers so i could listen to it.

Its called: "I choose" by India Arie
- check it out!

its good, but i need to find my own song but i have no idea.
- any suggestions?

Maddy Rae <3

Only If!

I wish it was as easy as 1,2,3 - ya know?
I wish i could just snap my fingers and everything the was going wrong could be right.
I wish things could be more simple and less complicated- even though im one of those people who make easy situations more complicated my self (according to my riding instructor.)

But these are all just wishes right? We all know things will never be picture perfect. We all know bumps in the rode balance things out right? But what if, just what if were wrong?!?!

Picture, just for a moment; everything that was going right, stayed right. Everything worked out the way everybody wanted, no conflicts, no arguments, no tears, no heartbreak, no regrets. Picture things stayed good and turned out the way you wanted, that life was picture perfect. Wouldn't that be amazing?!?! But hey, Im just dreaming right now.

ONLY IF!

- Maddy Rae <3

The stakes are high.

As you know school starts soon. Things already seem like their back to their regualar busy old self. With vollleyball tryouts everyday these past weeks and with the pressure and stress and motivation you half to have to get on varstiy; focus is extremly important for me right now. Along with volleyball their is school to get ready for, my job at subway, horseback riding and all the in betweens (friends, family, me time.) Sadly im not going to be doing dance this semester, with volleyball and work its just to much.

Im trying to find my focus for volleyball, riding and soon for school! It's hard though, its hard to put your mind 210% in something even though you know you want it. Im always finding distractions. I just want volleyball teams to be set and school to be in action.

Here comes another school year... kinda looking forward to see what it brings.

Off to volleyball tryouts!

-Maddy Rae

Half Full... or is it half empty...

We all go through tough times. Some peoples are worse than others. Weather there bigger or smaller everybody's issues have significant impact on them.

The truth is that eventually everyone gets through those tough times. Even though it seems like there never ending, they are. Someone once told me to always look at my glass of milk or apple juice or whatever you want it to be half full instead of empty.

Sometimes i forget to look at it that way though, and sometimes i dont forget to look at it that way i just dont want to. Yah its hard too because of course i think things will never get better.

Through all this im just trying to find away to rely on myself and believe in myself. Let alone find out who i really am!

-Maddy Rae

I HATE THIS!

Writers Block.

I have decided to take on probably one of the top 100 hardest things to do, and that is to WRITE A BOOK.

I want my book to be about real life but not just about real life in general... about somebody's life and not just about anybody's life but someone im really close to. Yah im gonna BASE it on a true story but i know the final product probably wont have any truth to it at all.

The truth is i really have NOOOO idea what it is going to be about, i just have all these ideas that im going to mix together and see how it turns out.

My outline:

Just write and see where it takes me!

Wish me luck!

-Maddy Rae

P.s ill let you know when im done ;)

Miss You.

"Blue jean baby, L.A. lady, seamstress for the band
Pretty eyed, pirate smile, you'll marry a music man
Ballerina, you must have seen her dancing in the sand
And now she's in me, always with me, tiny dancer in my hand"- Tiny Dancer

Whenever this song comes on in makes my mind go in a replay of memories!
Some sad and some that are my best memories I've had in my life so far!
They all have one person in common!
This person is a dear friend!
She is an amazing person!
She moved 25 days ago!

She is confident,
strong,
truthful,
loyal,
beautiful inside and out,
funny,
real,
and many more things.

She makes me feel like im superior,
she makes me more confident,
she always brightens my day,
she is always their for me,
she helps me whenever i need her,
she is just plain awesome!

She introduced me to the song "tiny dancer" and i have loved it ever since. She recently just moved and i miss her dearly. She is getting married soon to the love of her life and i wish her all the best. There aren't enough words to explain how amazing and wonderful she is let alone how much she has done for me. Personally, i dont thing she gets enough credit for how spectacular she is and for everything she does. She really puts her heart and soul into alot of things and i have never met anyone so phenomenal! I wish her luck with her new move and job and everything she is doing and i know that her new path is going to lead her to more great places and adventures in the future.

Thanks for making my sun shine even brighter!
Miss you!

With Love,
-Maddy Rae

Happy Birthday Scoutie

On july 6th my little cousin scoutie turned 3!

He had a froggie themed birthday party- that sadly i was unable to go to. He has grown so much and i can already see he that he is on his way to growing up to be a wonderful boy.

I feel bad that i wasnt able to make it to his birthday which looked tons of fun. Just wanted to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY SCOUTIE!
I LOVE YOU!

See you guys soon <3

- Maddy Rae

New Jowsy

So a few months ago i went to NY for my Aunts surprise birthday! Ive always wanted to go to New Jersey and thats were the party was and where my aunt lives- just about 3o min out of NY. When i went to the party it was night time so i u couldnt really see anything outside- so no i didnt get to see NJ but i get to say ive been their. Part of me feels like thats where i belong like my heart keeps telling me 'GO BACK GO BACK!' I find myself missing New Jersey all the time and i dont know why!
My aunt was in town the other night and she was telling me how she lives right by the equestrian place where the do the equestrian Olympics and that is where they are held and is the original place for the equestrian olympics and everything-- wanna do a little research on this place soon too bc i wanna find out more about it! But, if it is really the place i think it is who knows i might wanna move to NJ and I'm thinking about going their for collage.
Anyways, i told my aunt erin that i wanna go see it because i didnt really get to and she always wants me to come stay with her for a little bit their... so in October she is gonna work on my mom for me to come their and maybe her too for a girls weekend. My aunt says October is so pretty with all the nature and trees and leaves! So i googled pictures of new jersey and i found this one and it kinda looks like what my aunt was describing!



I gotta say i do miss New Jowsy! haha XD

-Maddy Rae aka Jersey Girl ;)

Tyrone Wells

Recently i discovered this guy named Tyrone Wells. He is amazing! I didnt just love one song i love all of the songs I've listend to so far which are:

*Sea Breeze
*When all is said and done
*Sink or Swim
Enough
More
This is Beautiful
Losing Ground

*these are my favorite but i like them all!

He is really great and i just love his lyrics! There so unique and different. Their calming and really reach out and mean something to me. Check him out!

Lyrics to the song; Sea Breeze

"Did I really meet her, was it just a sweet dream
That lingers in the morning, like a melody
Over and over, all through the day,
I can't stop thinkin' 'bout how I'm feeling this way

She moves like sea breeze, swirling around me
The fragrance that she leaves hangs in the air
Soft like a whisper, she's calling me to her,
These eyes have seen the most beautiful dream

We found each other, staring at the waves
We started talking and I couldn't break away
I made plans to meet tonight down by the pier
And when midnight strikes I'm gonna hold that dream near

She moves like sea breeze, swirling around me
The fragrance that she leaves hangs in the air
Soft like a whisper, she's calling me to her
These eyes have seen the most beautiful dream

To my surprise, oh,
She took my heart with one look in her eye
To a place that feels like home

She moves like sea breeze, swirling around me
The fragrance that she leaves hangs in the air
Soft like a whisper, she's calling me to her
These eyes have seen the most beautiful dream
Repeat 2X
These eyes have seen the most beautiful dream, oh, oh"

summer is here!

Summer is here.
You know its here when you start to hear the kids playing in the street more.
When you step outside and instantly feel the warmth against your skin.
When all you wanna do is hang with friends eating ice cream on the boardwalk.
Depending who you are you might be soaking up the sun all day, catching waves in the ocean.
Or you might be shopping with friends, or going on vacations touring.
You could spend everyday pool side or going to the gym.
Watching movies, listening to music or just simply sleeping.
But no, not me.
You'll find me grazing in the grass with the horses.
Riding with the wind in my hair.
Cleaning out stalls and giving horses carrots.
Hanging out at the barn with friends.
Where ever there is a horse, thats where you'll find me.

Guess who got a mac???

Hey guys!!! Sorry long time no post! =( but I've been busy... i just finished up the end of sophomore year and yes i am officially a junior!! woot woot!!!!! For ending the semester with all A's my reward was to get a new computer of my choice. My old computer recently crashed from a virus =((( so i had to wait three weeks to get my final grades in to show my dad i had all A's. He was surprised i actually did it! So as of 1hr and 30min ago i am officially a mac user! =)-- talk about exciting!

Welcome to the WILD side!

This year I decided to play club volleyball for point loma starlings. This will be my 6th year in volleyball and counting(maybe). There all girls from my high school at high tech high on the team. Its been great we have really become closer as a team and definitly like family. I have definitly made some new friends and got closer to some.
Its a nice change to hangout with completely diffrent people latley. Some people that may be a little to crazy for me but, they definitly bring out the more wild side in myself. To tell you the truth; im liking this new side of me. IT'S FUN! Its definitly a part of me i never knew i had, its kinda rebelous!

I mean who would of ever thought that I would be taking pictures with my coaches rats with my friend BELLA before practice? NOT ME, haha okay maybe i am an animal lover but, i mean come one really!

NOW THATS WHAT I CALL WILD! ;)

<3's Always
Rae

Drum Roll Please!

So recently ive been little miss busy bee. Ive had volleyball, riding, dance, school and some personal drama and fun! But, this past wensday (yes i do not know how to spell wensday and yes i am to lazy to look it up) i accomplished a HUGE achivement of mine!

*Drum roll please*

I jumped a 1'9" during my horse lesson! YAY! This was my first time jumping and yes that is super high for a first jump. I skipped cross rails and went right to jumps. For me this is big because now i feel like im a real rider now. Now i know im definitly taking those first few steps that are closer to my dream. Im super excited! My horse instructor patty told me i looked good so im happy about that. I really love my new barn, and im not planning leaving there anytime soon! The girls are really nice there and were definitly becoming friends.

From only being there since december till now i feel like ive learned and improved alot. Not just in riding but in myself and who i am as a person. Ive learned alot of life lessons and accomplished alot of things. My horse instructor is very helpful and nice she has definitly helped me with these learning curves. Im learning slowly but shirley. I think one of my main problems that is holding me back is forgetting i can do anything i set my mind to but most importantly not being confident in myself.

Each and everyday im working on overcoming these struggles and one day i know i will definitly get there.

<3's Always
Rae

Advise from an old friend:

Somebody told me this a really long time ago, and it always just seemed to stick in my head like gum.

"You have to do what best for you and your well being, sometimes you just have to decide if the good outwieghts the bad because nothing is ever perfect." -An old friend

She was and still is a wonderful person, she was like family. Things just seem to drift apart but, i do miss them very much. I will always have a special place for her in my heart and i owe a big thank you to her for telling me this. It always brings me up when im down and makes me think about the big picture in life.

-Maddy Rae

New York and New Jersey!

Okay i know its a little late but here it is;

My trip to NY and NJ for my Aunt Erin's Surprise party! It was such a blast!

We arrived on Thursday and had a late dinner and it was off to bed

Friday: we shopped and walked around, it was so hard not to tell aunt Erin, i was talking to her on facebook and everything and told her i was doing math (which was so not true, i laughed so hard). We visited the FOA shwarts toy store and alot of shops. All there stores are like 3x bigger than the ones in San Diego.

Saturday: Was the big partay!!! that day we did a little shopping but not that much. We had an incident at Canal( i dont know how to spell it) street, its basicly the street where they sell illegal purses and stuff. Anyways, i wont go into full detial but lets just say im scared for life! haha The party was so fun... Aunt Erin was totally suprised, and i got to meet all her neices which are all super awesome and they noticed my from her wall on facebook as maddy rae.. haha i thought that was funny. Everybody went home with smiles on there faces.

Sunday: We had brunch in the morning with Aunt Erin and the gang, we got to meet McKenzie and Brady which was awesome! I took tons of photos!

I definitly say that i already miss it there and would definitly go back in a blink of an eye! I want to see more of New Jersey, i only saw it at night on the drive =( Hopefully i can go spend a week or two with aunt erin in the summer =) Miss you guys and Love you Sooooooo much!!!


<3's Always
Maddy Rae

My must have boots!

So i have been eyeing this boots FOREVER!!! I wanted to get them with my Christmas money. I have a hard time picking out boots, i never see ones that just stick out to me or ones that i love. Once i saw these i instantly feel in love! I just love how simple and cute they are! It took forever to try to convince my mom in letting me get them, but i did it. =) They came in the mail a couple weeks ago, the instant i put them on i felt so complete lol! hehe.

They are Steve Madden, most of my boots are (and the really cute sandals aunt Angie got me for my birthday are Steve Madden too!). They truly have some cute stuff and i got to admit it i am a Steve Madden girl!

www.stevemadden.com


<3's Always
Maddy Rae

Happy birthday buddy!!!

I would like to wish my little cousin Finn happy birthday. He offically turned 6 today not he is more than half way to the big 10! I called him today and wished him happy birthday he told me about his class singig to him and getting donuts at krispy cream earlythia mornig to bring to his class. I miss the old days in school when ever there was a special occasion they would bring in something sweet, now there is absolutely no eating in class:(. He also told me about him chosing pizza for his bday dinner and how his mom ( aunt Angie) was going to let him open a present afterwards I told him he was going to have to tell me what he got on Sunday. Sunday is his bday party...robot themed ( who would of guessed) he LOVES robots I can't wait to see him on Sunday and of course Scoutie, aunt Angie and uncle chris too!

Happy birthday buddy! Can't wait till Sunday get ready for you big bday hug lol!
Love you!

<3's
Maddy Rae

No More Sierra Club... Dance Was Calling

"Everyday is and Opportunity for the Environment" - HTH Sierra Club

At the beginning of this semester i decided to be unassigned as secretary of sierra club. As you know i have recently discovered i have a passion for dance. At the times Sierra Club usually meets is at x-block and this semester they were doing an x-block of dance; a continuation from intersession, and i jumped at the opportunity to do it.

I always have loved animals and helping our planet. Yet i am not part of sierra club anymore i will still remain to have my passion for helping the earth and contribute anyway i can. I will truly miss being apart of it, exspeically since it was the first real club i have ever joined. It was a truly a great experince.



<3's Always
Maddy Rae

I <3 Dance

"If you want to dance seriously, do. You must think about it day and night, dream about it,--desire it." *Christa Justus*

"Learning to walk set you free. Learning to dance gives you the greatest freedom of all: to express with your whole self the person you are." *Melissa Hayden*

For two weeks we have intersession at our school. Intersession is where most people go abroad or for other people the other teachers put on something there intressted in and you sign up. For example there is a iron chef intersession (the one i did last year)is where the teachers teach you how to cook something diffrent every day and then the last day you make your own 3 course meal in a group and there are judges and the group with the best food is declared as hth winner iron chef (last year when i did it my group won.) There is also yoga, workout, story corps, communitie service, home crafts etc intersessions. This year i signed up with break it down and dance with my friends. Personally i wasnt to excited about it i wanted to do an interviewing one but, i went with the flow.

Our intersession teachers would take us to a studio called san diego dance place a couple blocks away from school. There we were taught by 3 perfessional dancers. Modern, Hiphop and yoga were the three we were taking.

To my suprise i found out that i have a passion for modern danceing. It was my favorite out of the three. I love how with the music you can express yourself, take the music in.

We had a preformance the last day of intersession we had to learn 3 dances (one from each class) in less than two weeks and preform it infront of like half the school. We did really well and the preformace was a sucsess.

I really hope to keep dacing(hopefully modern) I would really like to take a class from our modern teacher annie. I really like the style and the way she teaches. She is fun. She helped me alot. As of right now i cant really get dance out of my head.. im going insane haha. I really absoultly love it...(almost as much as riding horses =/ ...)

Those past two weeks really changed and brought out another part of me.. Its all apart of my journey..of where im heading to. Good or bad =) But i have a pretty good feeling im going to figure it all out very soon.

<3's Always
Maddy Rae