New beginning

hey guys so im starting a new beginning... a refreshing new start... im starting a NEW blog about the new me! check it out and follow it.. i may still post on this one but my goal is to start on a completely new path...

http://openyoureyeswithme.blogspot.com/

Best regards!
-Maddy Rae

Upward Spiral!

I always have this point in my life where i always want to make a change and start doing things differently. Then i start to change but then i tend to forget and go into a down ward spiral.

Things are starting to go down that down ward spiral of long stairs again but im going to change it this time. Instead of taking a break and going back down those starts im going to run back up them.

So ive been trying out honors, ive had volleyball, start of a new school year and all kinds of different pressures. The past couple of days have been really hard for me, i have just been feeling well lets say... scattered. I had a bad panic attack friday and ive never really had one before so that really scared me. I also have recently been trying to learn how to rely on myself, make my own decisions and not depend on the support of people.

Anyways the point is that i have to decide if biology honors is way to much for me. I can do honors for humanities next year but i if i wanna do biology honors i can only do it this year. Ive been thinking if this is what I, ME and ONLY ME really wants?- im just trying to slow it down and put my thoughts together.

Yes, i want to do it, I WANT TO DO HONORS. I want to prove to myself that i CAN and im interested in biology and i hope i will be able to do something with biology when im older. Even though i know this decision will probably change a million times- but why not give it a try?

I have also been thinking what I, ME, and ONLY ME want to do with my life;

I want to be happy and SMART and be perfect. BE PERFECT- doesnt that sound nice? To face reality though i cant be perfect, no body can but, instead i can try to be perfect or at least put 210% in EVERYTHING i touch! Truth is though im going to have those days were im stressed and everything just seems like things wont get better but, with the support of my friends, family and teachers im bound to get through anything let alone be able to do ANYTHING!

-Maddy Rae

Spaghetti Overload

For the past couple meals my plate full of spaghetti has been falling off the sides. With no napkin to clean it up, it has just been to hard to eat.

Friday my plate fell on the floor and shattered everywhere. The pieces were to hard to pick up let alone to sharp to touch. My spaghetti had become un-eatable and i had no meal for the rest of the day.

Unable to pick it up and put it in the trash, i left it their splattered on the floor in the middle of the hall way. Trying to walk away from the mess i slipped on the spaghetti sauce, causing me to fall and cut myself on the shattered pieces of plate.

I walked out the day with scrapes from the un-touchable spaghetti, that would leave scars on my skin FOREVER.

-Maddy Rae

A just for me song!

So i was talking to my math teacher yesterday (brittnay) who used to help me last year when she was a tutor for my school, but she is now a teacher this year- my teacher. (She is making me check in with her everyday bc she wants to be there for me and wants to make sure im enjoying my year, which i apperciate very much! She also gives me these weird homework assignments that i might post about every once in a while) =)

Anyways,
She was telling me how i need to find one song that i play just to boost my mood or confidence or anything when im feeling down. She gave me the name of hers so i could listen to it.

Its called: "I choose" by India Arie
- check it out!

its good, but i need to find my own song but i have no idea.
- any suggestions?

Maddy Rae <3

Only If!

I wish it was as easy as 1,2,3 - ya know?
I wish i could just snap my fingers and everything the was going wrong could be right.
I wish things could be more simple and less complicated- even though im one of those people who make easy situations more complicated my self (according to my riding instructor.)

But these are all just wishes right? We all know things will never be picture perfect. We all know bumps in the rode balance things out right? But what if, just what if were wrong?!?!

Picture, just for a moment; everything that was going right, stayed right. Everything worked out the way everybody wanted, no conflicts, no arguments, no tears, no heartbreak, no regrets. Picture things stayed good and turned out the way you wanted, that life was picture perfect. Wouldn't that be amazing?!?! But hey, Im just dreaming right now.

ONLY IF!

- Maddy Rae <3

The stakes are high.

As you know school starts soon. Things already seem like their back to their regualar busy old self. With vollleyball tryouts everyday these past weeks and with the pressure and stress and motivation you half to have to get on varstiy; focus is extremly important for me right now. Along with volleyball their is school to get ready for, my job at subway, horseback riding and all the in betweens (friends, family, me time.) Sadly im not going to be doing dance this semester, with volleyball and work its just to much.

Im trying to find my focus for volleyball, riding and soon for school! It's hard though, its hard to put your mind 210% in something even though you know you want it. Im always finding distractions. I just want volleyball teams to be set and school to be in action.

Here comes another school year... kinda looking forward to see what it brings.

Off to volleyball tryouts!

-Maddy Rae

Half Full... or is it half empty...

We all go through tough times. Some peoples are worse than others. Weather there bigger or smaller everybody's issues have significant impact on them.

The truth is that eventually everyone gets through those tough times. Even though it seems like there never ending, they are. Someone once told me to always look at my glass of milk or apple juice or whatever you want it to be half full instead of empty.

Sometimes i forget to look at it that way though, and sometimes i dont forget to look at it that way i just dont want to. Yah its hard too because of course i think things will never get better.

Through all this im just trying to find away to rely on myself and believe in myself. Let alone find out who i really am!

-Maddy Rae